7 Things Men Need To Feel Connected In Love - From Someone Newly In Love

Scotty and Bret
May 20, 2016
4 min read

This article I found hits a few home runs in conjunction with what I am learning as something newly in love. I'm almost 1 year in to my relationship, a few months in to believing I found my forever, and hour by hour I'm still learning what love is to me.

It is so important to remember that everyone gives and receives love differently. As pointed out in the Book 'The 5 Love Languages', “love is always a choice”, so you have to choose to put in the effort to understand your partner.

This article hits home with me not because I want to make sure someone else knows these things, but that I know them as well!! I've found over the past year that being self aware of my own needs in love, not only helps me understand my feelings, but also communicate them to my parter.

Here are the "7 Things men need to feel connected in love" from Diane Taylor.

Ironically enough, the only one that doesn't resinate with me is number 1... While I think it is important to have your own things going on, I have never felt smothered by there person I love.

Space – Men need time on their own to process information and feelings. When women provide this space, it allows the man to step forward. Women naturally want to decrease space to create connection, which often makes men feel suffocated and overwhelmed. It is important for men to communicate that by having this space it makes them a better partner. I have heard many women complain about being ‘Golf Widows.’ If she knows it feeds your souls, makes you a better partner and increases your quality of time together, you will get more time to play and meet your need for space. Make sure you tell her you cannot wait to see her after your round and her need for connection will also be satisfied.
Affection – Although men have been programmed to show up strong and be providers, they are still human and at their core have a need for affection. It’s not natural for boys to go from being cared for by their mothers to not needing any affection at all. Let her know you like to be touched, kissed, or that when she rubs your shoulders after a rough day, you feel loved. Under that confident, strong, and manly exterior is still the heart of a boy that needs to feel loved – and that is a really good thing!
Respect – Men work hard. The desire to excel and contribute is a natural part of their DNA. In order to achieve a sustainable loving relationship bond with a woman, it is critical that she respects him. Clearly, demanding respect is never an effective way to get it; however, acting with integrity, sharing values, building trust, and demonstrating respect for her is a great way to garner respect.
Understanding – Men are different than women. Period. I think we all know that by now. But do we really get that? Women complain about how much men work but fail to understand that often a man is fulfilling his life’s purpose through his work or providing for his family, which is often his way of showing love. It is easier for women to understand this need when you can communicate how important your work is, not only to you as a confident, contributing member of society, but as a part of the partnership and the future you are building together. If she understands the meaning of your work, she will naturally be more understanding.
Sex – Women feel love in the emotional realm. Men feel love in the physical realm. Having sex twice a month does not cut it. Nor does “just showing up.” Men want to feel connected and sex is the primary way they experience that. Help your partner to understand this by talking with her about how you feel connected and loved when you have sex. Show her lots of non-sexual physical love as well by hugging her often or just reaching out and holding her hand.
Connection with their kids– Women have traditionally been the primary caregiver of children and for the most part still carry a lot of the weight when caring for children. However, what often happens is women brush off men’s attempts to help because they feel they can do it better. Don’t allow her to ‘sit you on the bench” when it comes to the kids. Let her know she deserves some time alone or time with her friends because she works so hard, and create a space for you to connect with the kids.
To add value– Men by nature are problem solvers. Women just like to share, to talk things through and to feel heard. If you can shift your understanding to know that by simply being present and actively listening to your partner, you are adding value, then you will be miles ahead of most. Value does not always come in the form of action or solution. After you have listened and heard you can say, “Babe, that is really frustrating. I thought of something that might help you. Are you interested or do you just need an ear right now?” Now that is adding golden value!